ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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