I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
