I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
