we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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