So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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