I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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