I just saw a hot homeless man
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
