Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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