Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
