When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
