at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The adults are the big ones right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
