His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
