Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
