just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
