Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
