Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
