She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
