is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
