I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
