So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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