Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
