Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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