just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
