i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
