So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
