I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
