it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
