90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So here I am, sexting at work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
