I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
