I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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