RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
