Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
