I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
