Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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