I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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