So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i love accidental penises.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
