Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
