i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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