my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
