he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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