you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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