We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
