got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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