I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
