i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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