I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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