she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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