the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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