my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
