Do you still have your period?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
