Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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