Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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